An Inappropriate Post

No good can come of snooping around in other people's blog archives, I'll tell ya.

I'll spare you the gory details, but at some point tonight, after following a link from somewhere else, I tripped over this little video. If you, gentle reader, have the same sick humor that I have, you will enjoy this a great deal.



I hope no one was offended by that. But I kid you not - I was laughing so hard that I pushed the wrong button on the laptop or something and I accidentally opened this "sticky note" program that I haven't used in 2 years. Guess what quote popped up in a little box?

"A THROWN BONE GETS YOU HOME."

oh god.... my family reads this thing....

Some Random Thoughts

1. I had another new snow experience on the way home from knitting last night. For 80% of the drive, the night was clear and the roads were dry. Then about 3 miles from home, someone kicked the switch on the snow machine and it was snowing so hard I could barely see the road. That's not new at all - that's Upstate New York. No, the weird thing was this: you know that feeling you got as a kid, when your parents were driving on the highway and an 18 wheeler passed your car and for just a moment, it felt like the car was going backwards? Well, the snow was blowing so hard and in so many changing directions, it felt like I was going backwards, sideways, upside down... I got really dizzy and disoriented. Then I started laughing hysterically, which didn't help at all.

2. Those of you who've known me for more than a few days know that I am NOT a morning person. I'm clumsy, confused, exhausted and I'm having some kind of carpal tunnel problem so it takes a while for my hands to start working. So the problem is, there's this spider who lives in my bathtub. I really like spiders a lot, and I can't bear the thought of him suffering a watery death. Plus, if he goes down the drain, he'll end up in THE SEPTIC TANK which to me seems like a fate worse than death. (That's why I send ticks down there. I hate those little bastards.) Mr. Spider is one of those tiny ones, with the really skinny legs, which means he's very, very fragile and can't just be picked up and tossed on the floor. Because of the above mentioned morning stupidity, I always forget he needs to be rescued from the tub before I find myself sans clothing, with the water running and one foot wet. It must take about 10 minutes to coax him onto a tissue, coax him back onto the tissue, give up and try a washcloth because the tissue got wet, curse profusely, grab a towel....It's a long, long process for me every day. Mr. Spider goes through it with me, and I just can't understand why he hasn't figured it out: when a bright light comes on, and a big pink thing climbs into your bathtub home, get out of the way Mr. Spider!! For God's sake!

3. At first glance, this looks like a nice family picture. Mom and Dad and Zeke are snuggled together on the couch at Christmas-time, watching a family movie with me. But look closer. See the look of disgust on Mom's face? And how Dad is trying not to laugh? And see how Zeke looks a little guilty and confused? Yeah, Zeke farted, and Mom is just about to light a match.


4. It's very hard to put wool socks on a dog. More on that one later. Right now I'm having a glass of red wine and I'm feeling dizzy and disoriented.

More Knitting...

Okey Doke.

Here's some more trouble I've been up to around here...

Made these blue ribbed socks for my pal Ethel. (Lanette Superwash yarn with size 1.5 needles)

You can tell I really love Ethel, because these socks came out so pretty and so comfy that I wanted to keep them for myself.

But not to worry, I've cast on a new pair for myself. These will be mine all mine!! MUAH AH AH AAAHHHH!!

cough cough ahem.

And here's another gift certificate purchase that I made:

It's Cat Bordhi's new sock book! This genius of a woman completely reinvented the structure of a common sock. I feel like an intrepid explorer on the shores of a brand new continent. EUREKA!!

(I know you non-knitters think I'm a few yards short of a skein, but for knitters this stuff is just mind-blowing.)

She starts you out with baby booties to learn the techniques, and I cast on right away with some free yarn I picked up at knitting group.

It's acrylic though, and wasn't all that fun to knit with, so the next pair was in a much more pleasant wool.

Ain't they just the cutest?

I don't have any babies handy, so I'll donate these to the library along with the hat.

Christmas Knitting

OK people, we have a lot of knitting and sewing to catch up on in the next few posts, so let's find your seats and settle down. Turn your cell phones off or I'll confiscate them. Oh. Sorry. I was having flashbacks of college days.

Now. We'll start with a little Christmas knitting. I managed to finish a few mini socks for friends at work and they were a big hit. (The sock pattern is coming soon - I just have to find my notes...)

They're stuffed with mini candy canes - the only thing I could find that would fit in them.

This is the smallest pair, made from crochet cotton and size 000 needles.

My new boss, who I love, turns out to have good taste in Christmas presents. She gave me a gift certificate to AC Moore, which I promptly spent at the first opportunity. Here's what I got:


An adorable pattern book for crocheted Christmas ornaments. If I want to be really prepared for next year, I can get started right now....But we all know I'll most likely wait until November to start.

Then I found 3 skeins of this neat-o stuff. It's 100% wool, just barely spun, so it's more like knitting with roving. It's wonderfully soft too.

I was so excited, I cast on for a hat the second I got home. It was such fun to knit with, that I really wasn't concerned much with gauge. Which may be why it doesn't fit me. No worries though - it's sized perfectly for a young girl and I'll donate it to the library for them to sell.





(That's Emily. I made her a long time ago. She likes to help model hats so I humor her.)

An Innocent Query

Do you ever have one of those days where you're lazing around the house on a Sunday, and suddenly the dog pukes up a massive amount of yellow-green slime and you go looking for paper towels to clean it up, and there's no paper towels, and you look in another room and there's exactly one paper towel left, and you can't believe that you've been in BJ's and Target and the grocery store all in the last several weeks and you didn't buy any freaking paper towels? And you stand there staring at the puke and thinking you'll just have to use about 17 bath towels and then spend the rest of the day doing laundry? And then you walk in the other room to get the towels and find a gigantic package of paper towels right in there, because you DID buy paper towels, you DID, and you just forgot where you put them? Do you ever have days like that? No? Ahem. Me neither.

Dear Mr. Gore: I'm very sorry that I used half a roll of paper towels to clean up dog puke this morning. I know that it's wasteful, but frankly, I just didn't know what else to use. I can't figure out if it uses more energy to manufacture paper towels, package them and ship them to the store, or to use electricity to pump water up from my spring and run the washing machine for 5 loads of soiled cotton towels, plus the manufacture of laundry soap. It's all rather confusing and discouraging. I have a headache. I think I'll go lie down, because that definitely uses less energy.

January Thaw

Are you ready for this? Today's temperature in Utica was 68 degrees F. That's right, I said it. Not a typo. Six. Eight.

The temperature at home was probably not quite as drastic, (I wasn't home to check the thermometer) but it was still 50 when I arrived home at 5:00.

When I walked outside after work, get this - I could see the grass!! There's still plenty of snow left, but only in the big piles. At home there's only about 2 inches left on the ground. I kindly decided not to post pictures. It's very muddy and ugly and dog-poopy.

I'll tell ya, I had some major Spring Fever going on today and not in a good way. More in a "I feel really really really happy and I want to run up and down the stairs real fast and I wonder if this what the manic part of manic depressive feels like and I can't stop giggling and I'm light headed and my sinuses feel funny" kind of way. Yeah.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow and I hope it does. This is freaking me out.