"This fog is thick as peanut butter."

"You mean pea soup."

"You eat what you like and I'll eat what I like!"

- Yukon Cornelius and Hermey the Elf

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Some Random Thoughts

1. I had another new snow experience on the way home from knitting last night. For 80% of the drive, the night was clear and the roads were dry. Then about 3 miles from home, someone kicked the switch on the snow machine and it was snowing so hard I could barely see the road. That's not new at all - that's Upstate New York. No, the weird thing was this: you know that feeling you got as a kid, when your parents were driving on the highway and an 18 wheeler passed your car and for just a moment, it felt like the car was going backwards? Well, the snow was blowing so hard and in so many changing directions, it felt like I was going backwards, sideways, upside down... I got really dizzy and disoriented. Then I started laughing hysterically, which didn't help at all.

2. Those of you who've known me for more than a few days know that I am NOT a morning person. I'm clumsy, confused, exhausted and I'm having some kind of carpal tunnel problem so it takes a while for my hands to start working. So the problem is, there's this spider who lives in my bathtub. I really like spiders a lot, and I can't bear the thought of him suffering a watery death. Plus, if he goes down the drain, he'll end up in THE SEPTIC TANK which to me seems like a fate worse than death. (That's why I send ticks down there. I hate those little bastards.) Mr. Spider is one of those tiny ones, with the really skinny legs, which means he's very, very fragile and can't just be picked up and tossed on the floor. Because of the above mentioned morning stupidity, I always forget he needs to be rescued from the tub before I find myself sans clothing, with the water running and one foot wet. It must take about 10 minutes to coax him onto a tissue, coax him back onto the tissue, give up and try a washcloth because the tissue got wet, curse profusely, grab a towel....It's a long, long process for me every day. Mr. Spider goes through it with me, and I just can't understand why he hasn't figured it out: when a bright light comes on, and a big pink thing climbs into your bathtub home, get out of the way Mr. Spider!! For God's sake!

3. At first glance, this looks like a nice family picture. Mom and Dad and Zeke are snuggled together on the couch at Christmas-time, watching a family movie with me. But look closer. See the look of disgust on Mom's face? And how Dad is trying not to laugh? And see how Zeke looks a little guilty and confused? Yeah, Zeke farted, and Mom is just about to light a match.

4. It's very hard to put wool socks on a dog. More on that one later. Right now I'm having a glass of red wine and I'm feeling dizzy and disoriented.


At 10:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay...in order. 1.Been there, done that. Wes has the emotional scars to prove it. Although he was only a mere number of months old and thankfully doesn't remember it...but you'll have to ask your AntEve about how she learned to pray the Rosery on a trip home from Syracuse in a raging blizard in the Shelby on what amounted to slick racing tires. And we're not Catholic.
2. Spiders LOVE septic systems! They're warm and moist and they attract FLYs (flies? what is the plural of annoying, germ infested, hairy little buzzing things?)Send Mr. SpindlyLegs on his way on a trip down the Ol Drain Highway. You'll feel better about it eventually, knowing he/she/it/THEM! are doing just fine. And if it dies...so what. It's a peeping tom.
3. MA BOY, ZEKE!! Marking territory and making friends! The master of his kingdom. An obvious proponent of "If I can't smell it...I won't tell it." Real folks of the Ol West knew...never drink down stream of the herd and never sit down wind of the dog! Heh heh heh. Silly cat people.

Darth Uncle

At 7:40 PM, Anonymous kathyjh said...

hey! i beg to differ on the spider thing. maybe what you need is a ladder of some kind, like a bathrobe sash so he can get out of the tub on his own. jeepers, wish i had thought of that with my spiders. don't they teach anything of use in spider school?

ok, so what about the dog socks? inquiring minds want to know.


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