"This fog is thick as peanut butter."

"You mean pea soup."

"You eat what you like and I'll eat what I like!"

- Yukon Cornelius and Hermey the Elf

Sunday, January 13, 2008

An Innocent Query

Do you ever have one of those days where you're lazing around the house on a Sunday, and suddenly the dog pukes up a massive amount of yellow-green slime and you go looking for paper towels to clean it up, and there's no paper towels, and you look in another room and there's exactly one paper towel left, and you can't believe that you've been in BJ's and Target and the grocery store all in the last several weeks and you didn't buy any freaking paper towels? And you stand there staring at the puke and thinking you'll just have to use about 17 bath towels and then spend the rest of the day doing laundry? And then you walk in the other room to get the towels and find a gigantic package of paper towels right in there, because you DID buy paper towels, you DID, and you just forgot where you put them? Do you ever have days like that? No? Ahem. Me neither.

Dear Mr. Gore: I'm very sorry that I used half a roll of paper towels to clean up dog puke this morning. I know that it's wasteful, but frankly, I just didn't know what else to use. I can't figure out if it uses more energy to manufacture paper towels, package them and ship them to the store, or to use electricity to pump water up from my spring and run the washing machine for 5 loads of soiled cotton towels, plus the manufacture of laundry soap. It's all rather confusing and discouraging. I have a headache. I think I'll go lie down, because that definitely uses less energy.


At 12:40 PM, Anonymous kathyjh said...

ahem again. if this problem should ever occur at your house, which it apparently has not, you might be able to get the worst of it up with newspaper if you have a plastic bag right at hand to shove the gloppy mess into. in such situations i have always comforted myself with the mantra that soap and water is close by for my hands.

ya' got any more snow yet??

At 2:54 PM, Anonymous anteve said...

Hmm...another option might be to have sopped it up with your luxurious blonde hair.. and then just wash up in the shower... which you'd do anyway..saving even use of the plastic bag with newspaper. The acidity of the dog yuck is probably good for hair, actually.

Or less yucky..in a way... would be to get a second dog, and have them grossly clean up after one another... works with multiple cats. (eww.. I know)

However, I thank you for sharing your experience... you added several giggles and green quandries to my afternoon.

At 8:06 PM, Blogger Wendy Merganser said...

Dude, that's sick! And also hysterical, which explains why we get along so well together.

As for the cooperative cleaning among multiple pets - I have some experience in that arena as well. The floor under the bird's cage is remarkably clean considering what tends to fall there...Houseguests have been known to scream in revulsion while I just shrug and say "at least I don't have to clean it up."

On a similar note, when my cat was alive, there was a period of time when I thought she was seriously constipated. I was about to make a vet appointment when I realized someone else was helping me clean the litter box.

At 6:03 PM, Anonymous zoom said...

You don't necessarily need multiple pets for this housecleaning tactic to work. I had my dog for 15 years and I never had to clean up dog puke once. Sometimes I heard the dog puking, but I never saw any evidence of it.

As an extra added bonus, you end up saving a little on the pet grocery bill too.

At 10:42 PM, Blogger Wendy Merganser said...

ha, ha, ha! Dogs. They're unbearably disgusting but we love them anyway.


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