MEMO:

MEMO:

To: My boss
From: Your employee

Subject: My recent work performance

Dear Ms. Manager,

I'm so sorry that I got very little work done today, but I just don't know how I can be expected to get anything accomplished with all the commotion going on around me. I would like to log a complaint with the Workplace Harassment Department.

First of all, the House Wren singing at the top of his lungs and courting his lady love right outside my window was just, well, a little too pornographic for my tastes. He does have a lovely striped tail though.

The Hummingbird was nice but very distracting. The little squeaky noises he made while drinking from my hosta flowers made it impossible to finish that report.

Then a pair of Robins got into a big knock-down drag out fight with a pair of Brown Thrashers. Come on! Violence in the workplace? Unacceptable.

Around 11:30, just as I was about to answer some emails, a Phoebe hovered right in front of the window and caught a bug. I mean really.

There are ENTIRELY too many Catbirds and Black-capped Chickadees here. Don't they need a permit to congregate like that?

And THEN, just after lunch was the Rose-breasted Grosbeak. I don't know if it was a female or a first year male, but the flashes of orange under it's wings made me completely forget what formula I was going to use in my spreadsheet.

The last straw, and I mean the last straw, was when a Ruffed Grouse came strutting right in front of the window and across the lawn, making all kinds of ridiculous noises and putting her little crest up. I've had it. I'm going outside and I'm not coming back until somebody DOES SOMETHING to take care of this!

Signed,

Your Hard(ly) At Work Employee